“I don’t understand why you don’t want to try, you’re brilliant and amazing!” These words caused my daughter Camryn to cry as if she had no idea. I remember thinking how can she be doubting herself already, she’s so young. Am I failing her?⠀

Our self image is shaped by everything around us. We are so sensitive to the opinions of others and form our own conclusions, not always to the truth.

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On my 40th birthday I received a gift.

The gift of delivering a very important topic to young adults in our Christian community. I say it’s a gift because it made me understand more about myself and self-worth. It was “Love yoursellf”

I had a stirring in my heart, after several people approached me to say how much they needed to hear it. I felt it would be important to share it here so it can reach more people.

You might be wondering, what does this have to do with design?! I’ve been struggling to write the next few words for months because I wondered why you would care about all this.

Then, it dawned on me… Of course you care. You’re like me! You believe in the importance of making others feel their worth too. You landed on this blog because you wished the world took care of each other. You hope that the people on it would put kindness and love as a priority.

My passion isn’t about designs or pretty things. My passion and this business is about relationships and making others feel important.

I can picture each person receiving your gift feeling important, special and loved. Their self-image transformed because of your thoughtfulness.

So allow me to share what I reminded the young adults in the audience, what I try to remind my children each day.

As my mentor Marie Forleo would say…

”You are a one time event in history, there’s no one else like you, you have a unique set of talents and gifts”.

Baby girl photo of Lorena Depante, May 30th,1978

This is me. Yup, long ago… I too was a baby.

I was looking at this picture and I know i don’t remember being this age but it’s truth…it’s a fact. I showed my son Jonah and he kept saying “No it’s not, you’re a big person”. He can’t believe it either.

You likely have a photo like this. But think about it — think of what your parents hoped for you. I imagine them staring at you in awe and praying that you will know how amazing you are.

You are made for greatness.

As we grew…we discovered that life isn’t that simple.

You develop your self-image, and situations in life changed your point of view. Children have so much hope but life will impact this in different ways.

Have you ever looked back at the events in your life? Do you see how they have transformed your perception of yourself? I’m sure you can agree that your self image has developed over time and influenced by others. (The problem with self image is that it limits us.)

I grew up in a good home but I do remember that my dad being different when we were younger. He was strict and distant. My mom was always supportive, we went to her when we needed anything. My dad was tough, serious and we feared him. He’s a good man but I know he also grew up with a strict mother and he thought that’s how he needed to be. He couldn’t be friends with his children.

I used to wonder if he ever smiled, when we’d all watch a funny movie together, I’d check if he would crack a smile. Pretty refreshing to see a little smirk here and there.

They might not have meant to do this but this fear caused me to start feeling reserved and fearful of all that I did.

Eventually, their involvement with a Christian community helped change things. I’m close to both my parents now, the father-daughter dance at our wedding was very emotional. I know how proud I am of our growth together. It’s proof that change can happen in families when we are committed and intentional. I talk about my father often, his words at our wedding is a lesson I wrote about on another blog post.

An emotional father-daughter dance.

In pre-school there was an instance when my math teacher got so frustrated with me. She threw my pencil across the room screaming, I was only five years old at the time, she made me get my pencil. It was so embarrassing that I never even told my parents until adulthood. It was another moment that made me question my abilities. I became even more reserved, I started mis-trusting people.

I remembered thinking, “I thought adults were suppose to take care of you, be patient with you. I know they can be scary but not make me feel so “little”.

I also thought I would never do that to anybody, especially a child.

How quickly I forgot. I have tears in my eyes as I connect events in my life – I recall an instance with my daughter Camryn, who was 5 at the time too. I was helping her with piano and I noticed how she would hesitate to try. She kept stopping when we’d try a new lesson. It got frustrating.

Calmly I said to her, “I don’t understand why you don’t want to try, you’re brilliant and amazing!” These words caused her to cry as if she had no idea. I remember thinking how can she be doubting herself already, she’s so young. Am I failing her?

It brought back memories of that pre-school experience. This was a red flag. Something has to change in how I teach my child. She needs more understanding, more creative ways of engagement. Everyone learns differently, as any good teacher would tell you.

My daughter confidently playing piano at her recital.

It was from this moment that beyond piano I had an opportunity to teach her about love.

We tend to believe in the opinions of others and form our own conclusions, sadly not always to the truth. I, as her mother needed to remind her that she is ENOUGH, that she is extraordinary and I need to communicate this. Her self-image depends on it.

As a parent this starts with me. I need to know that I am enough.

It’s no secret that I’m Christian, the most valuable lesson I’ve learned is this.

Before I can love, even myself I have to first accept that I am Loved… by God.

I moved to Canada at 9 years old from the Philippines, this was another event that affected my self-image. If you’ve ever been brought to a new environment like that, you understand what I’m talking about.

That’s a life changing thing, to flip your life around. I had friends, I was secure and I was taken somewhere else …expected to adapt. I felt lost, I questioned if I fit in.

But over time I saw this change to be the time my family became closer than ever. This is when I first saw a transformation, we were learning to build a family that communicates and loves.

I’ve also encountered other people in my life that questioned their worth. I couldn’t forget a conversation with a dear friend.

Her experience was more traumatic, at age 8 she was diagnosed with cancer. Miracle after miracle she was healed (an inspiring story, I’ll have to let her tell you). I met her when they moved to Canada, and one day at dinner I was stunned to hear her question that point in her life.

All I could say was, “I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have you in MY life, if you didn’t exist, I’m changed because I know you”.  She has inspired me in so many ways.

We should be changed by the people we encounter. And we should transform people with what God has given us because we are so much more. Needless to say she and I cried over our sushi that day.

In the world of Social Media we tend to compare our worse days with the highlight reel of someone else.

Just remember that you’re living in a fallen world, people will fail you and disappoint you. But you can’t let that define you. You’re loved.

Your future is spotless.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. My hope is that it brings you closer to knowing your worth and spread love starting with your families.

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